Sun, sea, sand, sangria and 50% off sex

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There are a multitude of reasons to come and live in or visit Spain but they are usually concerned with the 5 esses for the majority of British people. This summer with the crisis still a fully blown “oh my gawd the World is going to end” thing, it seems that one of the things people come to Spain for is on offer.

Now my dear readers if your sensibilities are easily scarred might i suggest you read no further and you definitely don’t look at the picture below.

I SAID DON’T LOOK!

Ok so you looked but you mustn’t look at the next one OK?

You cannot be trusted can you!

Anyway what was my point, I got a bit distracted. Oh yeah. Right.

You come to Spain for many reasons some of which are below:

Sun: 320 days a year which compares well with the UK and two sunny days and a thunderstorm. That was summer.

Sea: The glorious Mediterranean that washes over the…

Sand: Lovely sandy beaches only spoilt in certain areas by concrete monstrosities, burnt, drunk Glaswegians, tubby Germans and a total lack of decorum.

Sangria; The traditional drink of Spain of course. Jugs of it and lots of them.

Sex: The number of people who come to Spain on their first holiday away from the family looking for one thing, and generally failing, is astounding. However now it has become more affordable for all once the trying to get off with the blond Scandinavians and the Luscious Latin Lovelies and even the girl who you normally see every Friday in your local pub in Yeovil has turned you down.

It seems that this summer the various clubs and whorehouses around Valencia are having a marketing competition to get people in. Is this a sign of the desperate economic times or are they just trying to drum up business during a traditionally lean spell? I am not so sure.

Nevertheless I have seen the following ads around the city and they are getting more and more daring

“50% off all summer” As they never actually advertise prices then I must ask 50% off what?

“From €18.” What from €18? Because if we are talking about a drink at the bar that still sounds quite expensive to me.

“From €15″ Obviously undercutting the local competition.

“Because you only live once” Encouraging infidelity because you will die soon, cool!

Before looking at this from a marketing perspective let’s just give you a potted history of the whorehouse in Spain.

Going to see a whore has been a rite of passage since the last century, which is interesting in such a repressed Catholic country as was Spain in the 1800´s.

Going to visit the whorehouse has been a tradition in most small Spanish towns during the whole of the 1900´s usually while the wife was at home making Sunday dinner after going to mass in the morning.

Franco banned “Prostibulos” in the 1950′s. Within a few weeks the whorehouse owners had invented a new business called “clubs de alterne” where the prostitute rented a room in the ex whorehouse and therefore could do whatever she wanted in her rented room. She rents by the hour just in case you don’t get it.

Spain has the largest whorehouse in the World just over the border from France which opened last year and actually gets coach parties from France visiting.

So after the potted history onto the marketing angle.

My wife pointed this out so don’t blame me, but surely a much better offer, ie much more successful from a marketing perspective would be either

“Two for the price of one” or “Buy one get one free”

Now ladies don’t think that you are left out of this either.

There are places where ladies can be serviced too and have you never seen a hen night recently!! But the marketing angle needs to be different I think. Something more along the lines of

“50% extra free” might work right?

(Disclaimer: This article is tongue in cheek and makes no reference to the rights of sex workers, exploitation or sexism. Don’t get het up and take it as it is written. Oh and another thing, no, I don’t know any of this from experience)

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