Put on the tie, put on the job

My job comes with a tie. By that I don’t mean my boss provides one (I own the company and I can assure you I don’t buy myself ties out of company funds). What I mean is that there is a certain level of formality required by the people I work with and, basically, that means a tie.

I’ve noticed more and more, recently, that I put the job on with the tie. My level of focus changes and my humour changes when I Put On The Tie. “Put on the tie, put on the job.” Or more accurately, “Put on the tie put on the job’s persona”. I’m sure it’s something a lot of people are aware of – they have different personalities for different situations.

I mentioned recently that kids on trains seemed to be attracted to me and I spend a lot of time traveling on trains, with strangers’ young kids wanting to play with me. A friend reacted by commenting that of all the masks she’d seen me wear the one of “Approachable Stranger” wasn’t one of them. I was surprised because, to me, that’s one I wear a lot… so much, in fact that I’m not even sure it is mask. I thought it was part of the Real Me (TM).

It made me wonder how much we really know each other. As a (Jungian) Introvert I’d consider myself typical of the ilk… relatively few friends, but with a strong (almost absolute) trust in each of them. And there is always something new to discover about even my most close of friends…..

Take Steve – liberal both politically and socially, Relaxed and easy-going while still being hard-working… tolerant and broadminded, respectful of everyone’s religion. Except Christianity, that being the one he knew most about. Mention God as Christians mean him (her?) and he would start to rant, banging the table and generally acting like a bigot.

Or Andy – bluff and bluster; a show off and one of the most superficial and in-your-face people you could know. He may or may not have had a heart of stone but no one could tell, simply because any attempt at intimacy bounced off. Except that faced with terminal cancer Andy’s proved to have assurance and dignity and courage few of us could aspire to.

However I guess in the end it isn’t about how well our friends know us and how well they can predict our behaviour that makes us what we are. What makes us ‘us’, what makes us proud, what makes us able to hold up our heads is this: do we know ourselves and, knowing ourselves, are we true to that understanding? That’s different from just ‘being ourselves’ because it’s an active engagement with ourselves – as different as jumping is from falling.

Ultimately, I may not like what you are, you may not like what I am, but if we are each what we are because we mean it, we may at least understand and respect each other. In the end, that might be all we can aspire to.

It might also be all we need.

Simon

Simon Raybould is one of the country's most widely read and regarded providers of voice and presentation skills training.