May 18, 2012

How I Won The Turkish War Of Independence: A Story Of Englishness And National Pride.

It was once the case, when I lived in Besiktaş a suburb of Istanbul, that the Turkish navy would send a warship on the eve of my birthday and moor it practically on the doorstep. The following day sailors in overalls could be seen working on the decks so that on the anniversary of my birth the entire ship would be illuminated with colourful fairy lights. The following day the ship would depart.

B class corvettes of the Turkish Navy at the p...

Image via Wikipedia

I wasn’t even Turkish back in those days so knew little of Turkish history. One year on my mother’s birthday Turks even sent a warship to Portsmouth to join in celebrations. She was born on October 21st, which is the date upon which Nelson’s fleet defeated combined French and Spanish fleets off Trafalgar. Later I learned that the Turkish warship was there commemorating that event, and that the warship sent to Besiktaş was really there in commemoration of the last foreign troops departing Turkey at the conclusion of the War of Independence.

Now that I am a Turkish citizen it is wonderful to find that I was born on such an auspicious day for my adopted country. You might say that I share a birthday with that of the country that has embraced me. When others refer to me as a Yabanci, or foreigner, I am quick to point out that I am a Turk by choice, and they were merely born here. The logic of the statement, together with my date of birth soon shuts them up.

No native born Turk could make such an argument, of course, but were it possible very few would do so. I got the inspiration from an old black and white movie called ‘Passport to Pimlico’ in which residents of a part of London declare independence when they discover an old treaty gifting their part of the City to the Duke of Burgundy. My favourite line in the film is when Connie Pemberton, the wife of the local grocer asserts: “We always were English, and we’ll always be English, and it’s just because we are English that we’re sticking up for our rights to be Burgundians!”

And as you will see, as this tale proceeds, I in turn stood up for my right to be Turkish, but the circumstances of how that came about must come later.

One day my wife introduced me to her friend Abbas, who arranges conferences all over Turkey. He is humorous fellow, fluent in German, and English, whose clients read like a Who’s Who of the largest and most prestigious companies. In 2009 he organised an IMF – World Bank Congress in Istanbul and there, I learned, he had his photograph taken with Bill Clinton.

“Do you know”, Abbas asked over coffee at his country club, “That I had to organise a special video-link for Clinton and Alan Greenspan just so they could keep in-touch with their world wide interests?”

Unimpressed, I stared into the bottom of my coffee cup, but by a peculiar chain of events I was to make use of this information just a couple of days later.

An e-mail plopped, (I know it didn’t but you know what I mean), into my Inbox from a detective from an English North Country Police Force. He wanted to know if I could remember anything about a case I had been involved in during my social work days around thirty years ago, when I was employed as a child care consultant.

At first I confused the young person’s name with another person, but then after a night’s sleep a face appeared in my mind. This rapidly was followed by impressions of rooms. Some were images of the office where I had worked, but then there was a flash in which I saw the young person’s house and felt the crispness of a winter morning on my skin. I saw the Children’s home to which I had taken this young person, the face of it’s principal whose name I had not uttered for half a lifetime.

Bit by bit, from this kaleidoscope of shattered images a whole picture, or more correctly a coherent memory evolved. Where days earlier I could only experience silence and blackness when attempting to remember the circumstances of this drama I rapidly found I could think to the beginning of how I first met the young person concerned. I could fast forward in my mind to various meetings; I could attend case-conferences in my mind and also recall the faces, voices and opinions of my fellow professionals.

When I next spoke with the policeman we had a long conversation and he asked if I would write down what I recalled in an e-mail.

Normally I would be cautious about being so helpful but, you must understand,I spent some time working in Child Protection and worked alongside members of the Metropolitan Police later in my career. I understand just how awful it is for a child to be abused, and how their obtaining justice, even years after the event can, sometimes, help to heal them.

Moreover, as my memory continued to clear, a nagging doubt had emerged in my mind. Why hadn’t the abuser been prosecuted for the correct crime all those years ago?

In those days the police and social services investigations were carried out quite separately, and I now know that I had information in my files of which the police had been unaware. When the original prosecution had taken place it was for a comparatively minor offence, although the perpetrator spent time on remand, and in prison.

The Kurban Bayramı is roughly the equivalent of Christmas in terms of it’s impact on Turkish family life. People come together from all over Turkey to be together so although I was willing to help I wasn’t in my own home, nor was it my wish to spend lots of time talking by phone to England, or writing long e-mails. I think this was understood, but when I got back to my own home things began to speed-up in earnest.

My policeman ‘friend’ sent me 32 PDF reports by e-mail. They comprised most of the case notes I had prepared back in the 1980s, together with minutes of case conferences, child care reviews, and letters. Could I identify them and explain what each of them was he asked?

Over time more PDFs arrived. To make sense of them it became necessary to print them, and then something remarkable happened, I found myself sitting at my desk here in Turkey looking at the content of my desk in England thirty years before. It was like being transported in time. At one stage I looked to my left expecting to find Rob, who was my colleague and counterpart back then, and was surprised to find my eight year old daughter smiling at me in his stead!

As you can imagine, the inevitable happened, my e-mail became a Witness Statement, and the PDFs numbered exhibits. It seemed certain I would be called as a witness.

Charming as he was the English policeman knew nothing of setting up video links, although this was the option I had chosen were I to be called to give evidence.

I was handed over to a different unit that handles witnesses, which is inappropriately named ‘The Witness Care Unit’. For the first time in this story this was the point I encountered arrogance. The first contact I received from them read thus:

“In relation to the above case currently listed  Monday 29th November 2010, as it stands, you are required to give evidence.

“Having looked into the easiest option for you to give this evidence it seems the Live Link is most appropriate, however the nearest live link to Marmaris is Izmir, we are aware that this is a 4 hour drive away from you, the Crown Prosecution Service is willing to pay for your travel and accommodation expenses if required.

“Could you please confirm with me as a matter of urgency as to whether you are able to travel to Izmir to give your evidence.”

It happens that I don’t know Izmir, I’ve passed through it, and I daresay it’s O.K. if you make the best of it, but the fact is that in both Ankara and Istanbul I have my own accommodation available with both cars and drivers who are able to help me get about. Aside from that I don’t like being ‘required’ to do anything, by anyone, so people need to have a care how they ask!.

This was how I replied:

“I am a Turkish Citizen living in my own country, and as such I believe I cannot be ‘required’ to report to Izmir, or any other city other than by an official representing the Turkish Government. My fellow countrymen fought and won a bloody war for four years in order to rid our land of foreign interference, and I would be dishonouring their memory were I simply to be ordered around the place in this way.

“Over the past weeks I’ve spent considerable time helping your Force with this matter.

“The following are the contact details for Bitek Conference Systems who have vast experience in providing video links. They delivered encrypted conference links for Bill Clinton, 42nd President of the United States of America when he visited Turkey last month.

“Their manager tells me that it is possible to set up a suitable video link from Turunç, which is where I live. The system can be put up in any home within a few days. It will take a minimum of three days to enact a link, due to the time it takes to install temporary lines. You need to move quickly if you want me to be available for next week.

“I leave you to work out the details but naturally will do what I can at this end to ensure that a local video link progresses as, I trust, you require!”

The defendant pleaded guilty and the link wasn’t required.

Footnote: The Turkish War of Independence started on May 19th, 1919 and concluded on July 24th, 1923 when the Treaty of Lausanne was signed. The war arose because the western Allies, particularly British Prime Minister David Lloyd George, had promised Greece territorial gains at the expense of the Ottoman Empire if Greece entered the war on the Allied side. When Mustafa Kemal, the hero of Çanakkale, was appointed to oversee the demobilisation of remaining Ottoman military units and nationalist organizations he thought it in the National interest to resist the partitioning of Asia Minor, mobilised the army units at his disposal, obtained foreign aid. On 9th September, 1922 the last Greek forces occupying Smyra, (Izmir), departed Turkish shores in some disarray and discomfort.

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Stephen Bray writes in a stream of consciousness, but sometimes is a good read . . .

The Greatest Business Tool – Manners

OK, so this is my first post for Blokes on the Blog, and I should start with something that really sums me up, something that people that already know me would say “Yep, that’s Kip”, something that I constantly rant about.

Business Tools – But Not as You Know ‘em

We business owners are always looking at ways to improve, a new service, better support, industry changes etc, but the one tool that we all have at our disposal, is manners. I will walk out of a shop (after letting them know my thoughts) and never enter it again if I do not hear a please and thank you. There are so many phrases that sum them up, “Manners Maketh Man”, “Manners are Free”, “They Cost nothing” and so on. But they are priceless . . .

Be polite

Image via Wikipedia

A Mother’s (or Father’s) Mantra

The first thing that ever comes to mind when somebody forgets their manners, is my mothers voice, (normally followed by a clap around the ear memory!). Now I am a lot of things, narcissistic, arrogant to name a couple, but one thing that will always remain in stone is my manners. Shopping for my step daughters 6th form uniform last year, we were in Zara (in Leicester), looking for some black cardigans, she found them, puppy dogged eyed me until I said OK and marched me off to the counter, now Zara is a decent shop, and I am sure these cardi’s were about £30-40 each, yet the staff were nothing short of cheap, rude, ignorant and above all else, stupid. I stood there with a girl that has impeccable manners (if a little spoilt, my fault there), and has been raised to use them as if they were full stops, everything ends in manners.

The expected Good afternoon, would you like a bag, is there anything else, would you care to try them on, how are you paying, that will be £60 please etc were nowhere to be seen, as the two girls on the counter were far too busy talking about an upcoming holiday (Ayia napa or Tenerife or something like that), and carried on even whilst serving us, didn’t even greet us! Oh tell a lie, I am sure she looked at me when she said, “That will be £60″.

Suffice to say, I have never brought her anything again from Zara, and never will I, now this is a huge chain, and surely I am not the only person that demands a bit of decency when shopping. What increase to their revenue would a training course or better management provide? I go to restaurants that have so so food, but they know me by name, my drink, and in one, the owner always comes and pinches a glass of Faustino when I order one, I have eaten here for 15 years, and I will continue to do so until either they close, or change hands. I am there a couple of times a month, spending about £80-100 a pop, £160-200 a month for years because they are polite, kind and friendly.

This is a lot for a small business (about £2k a year, minimum), and we can all increase our income or turnover from making sure we are the same, polite, courteous and friendly.

And don’t even start me on the looting and rioting! It’s cliche, I know, but I blame the parents!

Well that is me at my core, next time I will not be moaning about manners, as I could do this everyday, I just think if you are here to learn about business, improve your business, this is where you start!

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Chris "Kip" Carrier

Kip's natural habitat is at the mac messing around with websites and graphics . . .

Thirty Years? Must be Due a Service

At the beginning of August, I reached a decent milestone. Incredible to think that we were married in the same year as Charles and Diana. 1981 was warmer and sunnier than average.

As part of an extended honeymoon, we chartered a yacht and sailed the Western Isles of Scotland: hardly any wind ruffled the firths and lochs — the Azores high (pressure area) dropped anchor over the British Isles from the last week in July to the second week of September.

What makes a marriage last? I’ll stick to some home truths that seem to so often ignored. First, children. We got married to try and have a family and to give them a secure emotional environment in which to grow, experiment and feel some security. We were blessed with three children and, whenever we have had problems, we reflected on our good fortune and the commitment we made. We are parents first and foremost and that priority puts most personal difficulties in perspective.

We both came from families where our parents were devoted to each other through thick and thin and their marriages lasted their lifetimes (three out of four are dead). We saw them encounter huge problems (alcoholism; overwork; major illness; redundancy; travel for work) and solve them in amicable and courageous ways.

We made sure that we shared a lot of interests: the outdoors, children (did we say that!), art, literature, camping, gardening/allotments, and we have also taken an active interest in aspects of each other that we are not necessarily so keen on.

We were both aware (before we were married!) of how marriage is a journey and not an easy one. We knew that ‘romance’ is just that — a metaphor for an idealised relationship — and that we would have to cope with erotic love declining and other aspects of love becoming as important: agape, respect, companionship, selflessness. That’s not to say we aren’t gallant, tender and chivalrous. We just leave the concept of romance to Hello! magazine and Barbara Cartland.

We were also dimly aware that the dynamic of our relationships with our children would change us, our marriage and our relationship. We have transformed these relationships from adult-child to adult-adult with the usual hiccoughs in the teenage years but now we can reap the rewards.

We knew that a family is for keeps and that we were determined to keep it together. The accumulation of memories, humour, history and family legends are the stuff of which life is made. The loss of a relationship in divorce is nothing compared to the potential loss of family bonds.

We have had bad times. Without them, the highs of married life wouldn’t be so clear cut or valued. We have suffered all the lows that you can imagine: infidelity, one or other of us moving out, financial problems, mental illness…but we have always come through.

Now, in the third ‘age’ of life with our children all graduated (one twice!), we can be there for them as they tackle the challenges of jobs, finance, relationships and deciding for themselves the shape of their lives.

One thing though, we’re not that liquid a mum ‘n dad bank but, then, we can’t be much worse than the high street banks, can we!

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Jeremy is the business development co-ordinator for Carbon Creative, a design agency (graphic, Web, digital) based near MediaCity, Salford. Carbon, as the name suggests, has a neutral footprint and specialises in brands with green credentials.

Always On?

Last I heard, my elder daughter was in Kathmadu. I know this because we had a very, very brief conversation via the almost ubiquitous FaceBook.

Angel with mobile phone

Image by Meneer De Braker (Akbar2) via Flickr

The brevity of the chat wasn’t a result of having nothing to say, or of us being mad at each other – it was purely and simply down to the fact that her internet connection suffered from one of the series of rolling blackouts they have there.

Needless to say, I left a message. The gist of this message was “We’re getting pretty frustrated with only getting two minutes of chat and not knowing what’s going on in your life: why don’t you send us an email?”

Now, before you read the next bit, you need to know that my daughter’s not stupid. She’s doing a medical degree and doing pretty well at it…. but she’s a child of her times…

Daughter: I can’t send you an email, it takes as long to type as a conversation

Me: But your laptop has batteries, so you could write your email on that, ready to go when you have you ‘net connection/electricity back

Daughter: What do you mean?

Me: Exactly that – write your email on your computer and then just copy/paste it into your emailer when you’ve got a connection. That way you only need to be online for a minute to send, not 20 minutes to type

Daughter: WTF? Write it when I’m not online? Wow. Never realised you could do that!

Like I said, you have to remember that she’s not stupid – honestly…

It’s just that, as a child of her time she’s been brought up with the idea of being constantly online. Her whole mindset is online/now/interactive/live.

How far we’ve come from the idea of dial-up. Or, heaven help us, a culture where there was a concept of ‘offline’.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining – I get pretty annoyed if I discover the cafe I’m using doesn’t offer (free!) wifi – but it’s a trend that we might like to stop and consider for a moment.

Take an experience I had on holiday in Italy last week. I sat at a table, chatting to my wife (A Saint!) while at the table next to us, four girls all sat, busily chatting on their phones… and not to each other, but to people who weren’t there. Far from considering it rude to ignore each other’s physical presence, they considered it rude to ignore someone else’s virtual presence!

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Simon Raybould is one of the country's most widely read and regarded providers of voice and presentation skills training.

Fatherhood rites and wrongs

As far as parenting goes, this last week has been an important rite-of-passage.

Our final student graduated in medicine and we have a doctor in the family to join our ‘big four’ management consultant (daughter) and nascent publisher (son). The graduation ceremony is yet to come but she is changing all her accounts from Ms to Dr.

In amongst sharing the joy of her success was the bittersweet realisation that she was an independent adult and unlikely to live with us again: she has an F1 job, including accommodation. When she comes home, the house lights up with a special emotional glow. This mix of emotions, and Father’s Day on Sunday, prompted me to dwell on the rites, and wrongs, of fatherhood.

What have I learnt over 28 years of child-rearing? I am probably far from any ideal of a father but I must have got some things right. Without being too self-righteous, I reflected on what might have worked.

Paying close attention to rites and the big life events – births, schools, puberty, birthdays, learning to swim and drive, dating, school and non-school achievements, parents’ evenings, jobs, sports teams, school or organisational trips…the list is almost endless – reinforces your children’s confidence in your love and dedication. Those whose parents don’t acknowledge key transitions, and participate wholeheartedly in them, find it difficult to find a sense of worth and contentment with their lot.

Time with children counts the most: spend time together above all else. They call this quality time but isn’t all time ‘quality’? That’s the point! I learnt the hard way to listen more than speak, praise more than scold, participate more than instruct, laugh more than be indignant.

The material extras that kids demand are unimportant in the long run. Access to experience and travel is important – and this can cost money – but the marginal enjoyment from yet another gadget flattens out rapidly. It is vital to understand any teenager’s efforts to stay cool in the eyes of their peers but this does not necessarily demand a huge budget.

Teenagers rely on their parents to keep them safe, apply some sensible rules, and hold them accountable: communication and trust are the foundation to the parent-teen relationship. We strived to find a balance between applying boundaries and giving them freedom: both are necessary.

Countering the messages teens receive through mass culture is the greatest difficulty faced, according to many parents. Worries range from the influence of television and the Internet to materialism and war.

We countered these negative mass media messages by concentrating on their reading skills when they were very young, helped admittedly by grandparents. Reading and access to books gives them the opportunity to read about a wide variety of views and a freedom to choose their reading matter. Our library membership, reading to and with children, valuing books, discussing literature, making reading and writing treasured skills were an extremely high priority. As was the presence of a family PC from the start.

Fatherhood isn’t necessarily about access to stereotypical ‘male’ culture like sport, tools and the extra-domestic world. It’s about trying to demonstrate how a man can behave and what a man can truly become, whether that’s through stable (and unstable!) employment, confidence in dealing with strangers, sensitivity, safe physical contact and affection. Masculinity can be gruff, remote and aggressive but it can also be articulate, gentle and chivalrous.

Our children’s feedback is that we have always ‘been there’ for them, helped them through the long odds of getting that first rung on employment and further education ladders and given them emotional and financial support. If I have achieved anything as a father, it is because I have had a strong spouse who has been my foil and support. If either of us faltered in child-rearing, the other was there to give perspective and an alternative stance.

Perhaps the most significant achievement was to keep the family ‘firm’ together, the relationship between us the parents. Keeping the family together despite the temptations, travails and torture of modern life is what produces relaxed and confident children. This is not a self-satisfied paen to cosy domesticity but an acknowledgement that, above all, a child can feel secure if parents make a secure environment from where they can take their own risks.

Jeremy is the business development co-ordinator for Carbon Creative, a design agency (graphic, Web, digital) based near MediaCity, Salford. Carbon, as the name suggests, has a neutral footprint and specialises in brands with green credentials.

Useless Father

I’d consider myself a considerate person; someone that’s always helpful. I cook most meals at home, I clean (although not to the standard or regularity that Rach would prefer); I’m the type of person to offer hitch hikers a lift or to go out of my way to find a solution to someone’s problem, even if I’m unlikely to benefit.

However, there are periods throughout every stage of pregnancy, birth and weeks to follow that I feel like a useless father.

Pregnancy

Fairly self evident really, I can’t couldn’t carry Maggie. I didn’t have to go though the constant trips to the toilet, the morning sickness or swollen fingers and toes.

I guess on a “useless father” scale, this would be fairly low though, only 1 or 2…

Labour

This is when I thought I’d feel the most redundant. Hours of concentration, painful contractions, breathlessness and indignity. Oh come on, as beautiful as the birth of a baby is no one is at their best when potentially several strangers are staring and prodding at your bits…

I guess every labour is different, but Rach seemed very composed and focused throughout the 7 hours it took for her to deliver our baby girl. I definitely wished I could have taken over from her or let her rest for a bit, but the truth was I doubt I could have done a better job, so the labour only scores a 5 on the “useless father” scale.

The Tear

As I said the labour, as grueling as it was, seemed to go really well and particularly quick for a first timer. There was a moment where the Ventouse, a vacuum device used to assist delivery, was mentioned but Rach was given 20 minutes to seal the deal and with 2 minutes to spare she came through.

Unfortunately, there was a tear and that tear ruptured a blood vessel. That was the first point of the whole labour that you could tell Rach was hurting, but it was the point at which the clamp was applied that I felt utterly redundant.

Seeing the women you love sobbing and in pain is the most sobering experience of my life. No amount of encouragement, back rubbing or wet flannels was going to help; I cried, I’m not sure Rach realised I cried, but there was absolutely nothing I could do to help. I’d peaked on the “useless father scale”… A whipping 9!

Sleep Deprivation

It’s not painful, there’s no blood but this part of parenting gets a full 10 on the “useless father” scale.

We’ve been really luck that:

a)Maggie has taken to breast feeding
b)Rach’s milk came in

I know it’ not always that simple for new Mums and despite the “system” saying that there is no pressure to do one or the other, we definitely felt that there was a bias towards “Breast is Best”.

The downside to breast feeding is that all the pressure is, yet again, on Rach. I can wind, settle and change nappies, but once it’s feeding time Maggie is only ever going to be Rach’s responsibility and babies feed a lot.

Especially in the first few days, when everything is new and no routine has been established.

There’s a reason they use sleep deprivation as an interrogation technique you know. You turn into a shell of your former self, confused and desperate for a break in the cycle.

It’s been a horrendous few days for Rach, in terms of lack of sleep, and seeing me snoozing next to her as she wakes for another feed can’t have been easy.

A week in and we do seem to be coming out of it a little and pray that we’ve put that stage behind us.

Fingers crossed,

Rich

Remember, Remember

I have a nephew and an adopted nephew (you know what I mean; I’m not family but he calls me Uncle) who share a name (confusingly) and (even more confusingly) the same birthday. The inevitable happened this year and I missed one of them out because I forgot the there were two of them – I just saw the name on the diary and responded to that.

Ooooooops!

Fortunately, a four year old is pretty good at forgiving.

Part of this year's twenty. Geez, I'm getting old.

Image via Wikipedia

Even more fortunate, for me at least, is the fact that his mother is also forgiving. Not of everyone, but of me – because she knows from experience that I’m not the best person in the world with dates, faces, names and trivial details like that.

Because they are details, aren’t they? A birthday is important because we say it’s important.

Coming up within a three week period we have my daughter’s 21st, my wife’s 50th, my mother’s 75th, my other daughter’s 18th and…. and…. and something else I can’t remember at the moment.

Oops again!

This problem gets really important at family get-togethers. Not mine, ‘cos I’ve only got a small family, but my wife’s. She’s part of a clan. If they ever got together and agreed a block vote they could bring down the government.

Now, given that I sometimes can’t remember my wife’s name, how am I supposed to handle a roomful of strangers? Tricky, eh?

What I really, really want is one of those Mission Impossible ear-pieces that talks to me as someone approaches, telling me their name, the last time I saw them, one salient fact from that last conversation and if there are any subsequent significant events I should know about (divorce, heart attack, birth of a child etc).

Sadly, as far as I know, not even my trusty iPhone can do that.

Yet.

Simon

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Simon Raybould is one of the country's most widely read and regarded providers of voice and presentation skills training.

Opened like a summer rose – My dad’s quest for values he could stand by

“It’s nearly two years,” my mother sighs from 12,000 miles away. The ongoing pain of my old man’s death makes that hard to believe. But she’s still standing, as they say, and doing well. Sometimes, I think, better than me.

I should be further down the track by now. But I still yearn for Dad to be alive, at his computer, all those miles away. Writing his stories, sorting his CDs, playing his online scrabble.

I couldn’t write that poem now, the one I wrote a few days after his death, when I was lost in a kind of numb limbo. But I can read it now, and I can picture. And I can reflect.

Look – that red-faced bloke in the cloth clap – that’s Dad’s messed-up drunken father – veteran of the 14-18 war, staggering across the threshold to terrorise a cowering family. And there – that’s my shy, intelligent, artistic 12 year-old dad, sheltering in a bedroom with his books and his stamp collection.

Now see him again, 15 years old, just chucked out of grammar school, hanging out the back of the Faversham/Herne Bay train with his two pals, talking only of the war and going to sea.

And now again, swaying in the hammock of a dirty British coaster, snoring, a calculus textbook open on his chest.

And then, what about that meeting in The Bull’s Head, Chiselhurst? Him, almost dragged in by his dad to meet this young Irish bird behind the bar. Hear this conversation snippet above the hubbub of early evening drinkers:

“Fancy coming to the pictures with me?”

“Come back tomorrow when you’re sober, and ask me again.”

He did, and love grew out of the tangled mess of two hopeless starts.

Me, my brother, my sisters – we marvelled in the past and we marvel now at what my Dad eventually became. His ideas, his artistry, his heart – all nurtured by that love.

And now I see messages in his story. Not just about what you can achieve with so little – there’s enough written on that theme. More about trying to understand why people are as they are, and how important it is that we don’t make damning, superficial judgements.

As the songwriter Phil Ochs put it:

‘Show me hobo, show me the train.
Show me the drunkard as he sleeps out in the rain,
And I’ll show you a young man with so many reasons why,
There but for fortune go you – or I.”

My grandad, like so many, was stuffed up by the Great War, and the shockwaves reverberated down the generations. And yet my dad – with no degrees and little training – wasn’t content to stop at labourer or sailor, or lift-installer or draughtsman or electrical engineer.

Neither was he content to stop with the views and outlook of his parents. His quest for values he could stand by was utterly relentless, as was his scorn of cant and hypocrisy.

That spiritual purity is the absolute essence of the man. And I guess it’s a big part of why I’m still finding so hard to accept his death.

Picture the child

Picture the child
Scrabbling and haggling
for the souvenired metal
Of a Messerchmitt 109.
Adventure-hungry kid
and front-row spectator
of fighter pilots battling for Britain
across the skies of Kent.
Shy child in a coastal town,
caressing his collections
of stamps and matchbox tops.
And dreaming of himself at sea.

Picture the noisy London pub,
and the child-like lass from County Meath,
befuddled and busy behind the bar,
regaled by tales of the son with the very big hands.
Taking to this tall sailor home from sea.
Big hands to match a big heart.

Picture the child
Newly arrived into a strange land.
Spirit stirred and soothed
by the mouth organ’s lilt and beat,
lifted happy and safe
by the man’s big gentle hands.

Picture the child,
scrambling and hassling
for prime position
in an old man’s lap.
A grandad-hungry kid
Enchanted by the front-row fun
of silly words and games
and someone whom it seems is able
to painlessly remove
and then replace a thumb.

See him now, the man.

Opened and beautiful as a summer rose.

Doug Jenner

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Why we never go away for my Birthday

I feel sorry for those that have a Birthday near Christmas, the two in one cards and presents and you must feel terribly frustrated that your birthday is bypassed by someone else’s that was two thousand years ago.

The Table: Valentine's Day Dinner

Image by dalylab via Flickr

When there are a lot of kids in the family, Christmas becomes very expensive so Sarah and I quickly decided that all our daughters would have a bigger birthday gift on their birthdays and a smaller budget for their Christmas gifts. That way we truly celebrated them on their birthday rather than on someone else’s.

This may sound weird as we are Christians, but as I mentioned above it’s practical as it means we spread a huge chunk of money over August/September rather than take out another mortgage in December. In the new year, my birthday is the first one of the year and it’s close to Valentines day, so that weekend all the prices are triple their normal rates in Hotels. It means the lovely ladies in my life will be paying for my birthday present until July. Those born on bank holidays and other special days have an awkward time too.

At least with Easter it moves, so some years you can get a weekend away and others you can’t although that may now change with April having a static two week holiday from school.

Kev

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To-do lists, arresting naughty lions and DIY – a day in the life of a home worker

Working from home via the Internet is a privilege, but it can also be a curse. Commuting may be a boring waste of precious time but it does allow you to digest your working day so you can greet the family side of your life with a smile.

I work from a small room with a desk, a laptop and an Internet connection. My morning commute means walking up the stairs and turning right. The moment the computer fires up I’m wrestling with my to-do list against the clock.

I have turned to-do lists into a fine art as I have lots of creative ideas, not enough time to do them all and a memory that forgets old ideas as new ones pop up out of the most random situations. I have a spreadsheet of ideas and jobs to do and each morning I choose the most important ones to attack that day. Invariably something pops up and derails half of them, but that’s life.

This morning I wrote reports, wrote forum and blog posts and tried to persuade some people that getting completely different ways of bringing web traffic to the social community I run is going to be good for both of us.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 cupcakes
Image by ladybugbkt via Flickr

It’s downstairs for lunch where my wife had fed Thing 1 and Thing 2 (so named after the riotous mess-makers from the book Cat in the Hat). She escapes to walk our dog on icy roads in the sleet and suddenly I’m a policeman put in charge of arresting a naughty lion that’s hiding behind our sofa. The arrest is such a success that we also nab a hippo and a giraffe all while having a good-natured argument as to which of the two is biggest.

Then the doll’s nappy gets changed and then hit repeatedly over the head with its milk bottle while I’m attacked by a transformer that is nothing more than colourful plastic in disguise makes far too much noise. A lunch from the kids’ leftovers plus whatever it is they have decided is yucky today is grabbed while a token effort is made to tidy up the kitchen. There is also time to fastforward the boring first 20 minutes of Mary Poppins before I’m back in the office.

I’ve got creative solutions back via email that make my brain hurt, but they look like good win-wins to me and then I’ve got a teleconference with the rest of my team from a number of different countries. I take a break after this by putting up a picture that has been getting in the way in my office for days.

The rest of the day goes past in a blur and I’ve nailed about half of the things on my to-do list and added another 25% to it.
It’s downstairs to help feed Thing 1 and Thing 2 and play my part in entertaining them up to bath and bed time. Then it’s time for the home to-do list with a few items knocked off that while the dinner is cooking, eating in front of the TV and then proof reading an e-book for a friend.

Bedtime comes round and I’ve been out of the house for about 10 minutes and that included clearing the dog mess from the garden. Sleep will include at least two wake ups from Thing 1 and Thing 2 and then I do it all over again the next day.
Working from home with kids in the house is not necessarily a healthy option and a small office nearby is starting to look very tempting!

You can see the fruits of my work at www.activagers.com the social network for the 40 plus generation.

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