February 5, 2012

Why we should teach our kids to drink and swear

Our kids kicked off their drinking and swearing pretty soon after they could talk. We felt it was important to get them started early. You should have heard our six year-old after he’d shoved his little nose into a glass of a corked Hardy’s Shiraz. “F***ing vinegar!” he screamed. It made us so proud.
Wine Tasting

Image by Andrew Albertson via Flickr

Well, no. I’m exaggerating, you’ll be relieved to hear. Our children are not wine connoisseurs. In fact, our daughter, now 10, doesn’t like the taste of any alcohol. Our 13 year old son does, and is occasionally granted a little taste of what we’re having.

There are those who don’t think that’s right. Perhaps you’re one of them. But for us, it’s part of the way we ‘parent’. We avoid patronising our kids. We’re ‘up front’ with them whenever we can be, and generally make them party to whatever conversation is going down. I’m sure that’s why they seem at ease when conversing with adults.

As far a swearing’s concerned, I’ve never moderated my language in front of them. They’ve grown up hearing all the worst words on a regular basis, and it’s no big deal for them. Not even a little one. They use swearwords on occasion, and the context is almost always humorous.

Although I’ve never heard the kids swearing outside the family circle, I am fairly sure they make their due contribution to crude playground badinage at school or in other social contexts. But with such a foul-mouthed father, bad language is never going to shock them.

You’re probably too young to remember it, but there was a time in the 1970s when the ‘violence in movies’ debate raged. Many worried people were sure that kids would copy what they saw on the screen and soon the streets would soon be flowing with the blood of the freshly slaughtered. But it didn’t happen. Why? Because kids were not given credit for their often infallible understanding of context.

Put simply: kids are much smarter than we think they are. Otherwise I’d be one of the first to be shouting for removal of Shakespeare from the school curriculum. (“Get f***ing Shakespeare off the school curriculum!” I’d be roaring, just before hurling a rock through a ministry of Education window). But lucky I’m not a violent type.

Look, we’re not perfect parents. ‘They fuck you up, your Mum and Dad’, said Philip Larkin, and I hear those words in my ears all the time. No matter what we do as parents, we will never be perfect. But there’s also such thing as proof of pudding. And when I look at our two, I can’t help thinking: “FFS, we must be doing something right!”

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The cross-eyed lion

Anyone who knows me at all well understands my complete one-eyed attachment to all things Apple. It’s just a part of who I am.

My earlier post about that 1985 epiphany tells the complete love story, but here’s the summary:

Prior to my 1980s ‘road to Damascus moment’ computers were for geeks and bores only. But then I was introduced to an intuitive machine and I fell in love. I still have that MacSE 3 and it still works. Yes, over the past 25 years Apple and I have been through it all together – down the slippery dip with Gil Armelio, up in the rocket ship with Steve Jobs. I’ve admired and loved just about every new machine, every new piece of software, every new OS update. Until now.

Image representing Apple as depicted in CrunchBase

Image via CrunchBase

Because, in my opinion, Lion, Apple’s new computer Operating System, just ain’t what it should be.

I’m reminded of the time my favourite Mac mag got a new editor, right about the time that Apple was taking off again, after the highly successful first ever iMac came out. This bloke was from a PC/Windows background and when he wrote in false raptures about how much he loved Apple stuff, to us true believers he was a window; we could see right through him. Unfair, maybe, but we were long-time devotees and we felt his words showed that he just didn’t get it.

And that’s a bit how I feel about the new Lion operating system. Why? Mainly because it lacks the intuition which is the heart and soul of the Apple experience. The user manuals that Apple supplies are usually pretty superfluous; Mac users just jump in and things become clear in an instant. The changes are beautiful, logical and, we realise, just what we needed. Lion isn’t like that.

Look at rectangular square buttons. What’s that all about? OK a small feature, but there’s no obvious reason to bring us back to where it all started. Like there isn’t with the launchpad. ‘See all your apps in one place’ chants the promotional mantra. Errr…why? And when would I ever use this on my computer? And the ‘gestures’…why do I need to change the way I scroll, just because that’s how it’s done on the iPhone?

So you see what’s happened here? The lion has fixed its gaze at IOS on one side of the room, the MacOS on the other, and gone cross-eyed in the process!

You’d think, wouldn’t you, that any Apple system developer worth his or her salt would know that IOS and MacOS are different beasts, with different user experiences? But because they don’t, I’ve spent hours trying to figure out how to do things in Lion, and become quite frustrated in the process.

DAKTARI

How do I save downloaded pdf where I want to save them? How does this new ‘versions’ thing work? Mission Control: it actually stops me from seeing all the open windows on my desktop!

Wading through all of these unconnected features is a frustrating, time-wasting exercise. In fact, the whole thing is starting to feel as illogical and baffling as Windows, although thankfully still not quite as bloody awful.

But perhaps other people have a different take. Perhaps I’ve just a grumpy old Apple fanatic dredging up old TV images of cross-eyed lions!

What’s your take on Lion? Let me know.

Doug

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Hindsight? Maybe it’s a bit over-rated

I remember I got a lot of blank looks when I suggested it. But I must have seen through these. Or maybe powered through them? Nor must I have taken seriously the nay-saying emails from members: ‘it won’t work here’, ‘this is a village in Hertfordshire you know, not the bloody West End’ – etc.

Just as well. Because, in the end, our production was a triumph.

Poster by Mark Weaver

The play? Harold Pinter’s The Caretaker. Not everybody’s cup of tea. I know that now, much more clearly than when we embarked on the production back in April.

But I’d always loved this play, ever since a fellow student had loaned me a copy in 1973. I’d chuckled at the language and the absurdity of the characters, like I did late one night when I happened upon a new TV show called Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

This was exhilirating stuff – mould-breaking, off-the-wall. The student and I made vague plans to stage The Caretaker but they came to nothing, then 35 years of living went whooshing by until I found myself on the bar-stool of an English village pub, being asked by the Chairman of The Kimpton Players what I wanted to produce and direct for the Spring Production.

As you may imagine, eyebrows were raised when I put forward my choice. This was no standard am-dram offering. And some women were irritated (there were only 3 characters, all male). But I guess I brushed it all aside.

Assistant Producer Debbie and I got to work: planning, auditioning, rehearsing. We were determined that this production would go beyond people’s notions of ‘am-dram’ – into the realm of local theatre.

We knew our play ‘inside out and back to front’. We set our standards high and we made our talented actors work their arses off. We all went to the pub after rehearsals. We had a team dinner halfway through. We developed a deep understanding of our actors –how they preferred to work and what they needed to ‘become’ their characters. We became a tightly-knit, mutually supportive group.

Inevitably, with such a driven approach, there were difficult moments. But we worked through them. Nonetheless, I experienced several private moments of doubt (what am I doing, putting this show on, out here in the ‘sticks’? Etc.)

But, as is the hallmark of our long-establishe drama group, the crew assembled itself. Front of House, Staging, Lighting, Props, Publicity, Bar. My dream set came to wondrous life and suddenly, we were ready.

It was only after the show’s 4-night run was over that reality hit me.

Logically, this show shouldn’t have worked here. People either love Pinter or they don’t. They go to London if they want to see his plays. Most times people attend amateur productions just because there’s a play on, to support their local drama group, or because they want some light entertainment.

And yet we’d triumphed, turning a healthy profit and receiving these kinds of comments:

“A brave decision to put on such a play in Kimpton perhaps – but it paid off handsomely. Brilliant.”

“We were spellbound for 3 hours.”

“Really impressed.”

“…a production of real quality.”

“The best performance we’ve seen here.”

I don’t like to moralise, but my experience here illustrates a few things. Like how you should just see through the doom-mongers. If you stick with your vision, don’t compromise your expectations and support people in the right way, they will rise to your standards, and work hard to help you keep them high.

The other thing I’m grateful for is that the student back in 1974 didn’t show me any other plays. This one’s out of my system now; that’ll do me for quite a while, thanks.

Doug

Are you trying to promote your business with a load of old waffle?

Or have you found your ‘diamond core’?

CBS Outdoor Tube Ad

Image by Annie Mole via Flickr

Have you ever found yourself standing on a London tube platform, not wanting to move because you’re enjoying the ad on the opposite wall?

That’s good copywriting.

Conversely, have you ever found yourself staring dazed at a computer screen, going back to the beginning of a sentence for the umpteenth time, trying to make sense of what has been written?

That’s bad copywriting.

2 scenarios – one enjoyable, the other excruciating, even though your process is the same in each – reading and re-reading and re-reading.

Good copywriting talks to your emotions. Bad copywriting just gives you a headache. One of the reasons the pharmaceutical companies are doing so well is that there are an awful lot of headaches out there.

I once wrote a satirical piece about the small business owner who said to her copywriter: “Just tell them how we are different.”

To which the copywriter responded: “How are you different?’” She replied: “We are passionate about the way we tailor bespoke solutions to exceed our clients’ expectations.”

“Well, that’s good”, quipped the copywriter: “because there’s nobody else out there with that message.”

“Oh good”, said the business owner, “get on with it then.”

Now, what that business owner was really saying was that she genuinely believed in the value of the service she was giving to customers. The ‘getting on with it’ task for the copywriter was to make those clichés actually means something convincing.

I couldn’t truthfully say that most clients enjoy the ‘drilling’ part of the copywriting process – where we have to dig deep into the nub of their business. They don’t. Because, you see, it’s bloody hard work. (Where’s those painkillers again?)

But having said that, clients almost always love what comes out of it all. Because what we turn up in this process is the diamond core of their business. It is the USP (And yes – there is always a USP to be found) and a solid understanding of their target audience and its buying needs.

After that… it’s quill-into-inkpot time as we start to picture them… those entranced London commuters glued to their place on the tube platform.

Doug

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Bleedin’ MPs – they’re a drain on our system.

I’m in the museum gift shop, waiting to pay twelve quid so we all can pop upstairs to look at some stuff in glass cases. The guy behind the counter is holding forth:

“Pop your name and address in here, so we can claim gift aid and keep this money out of the hands of the bleedin’ politicians, eh? Yeah, bleedin’ politicians. Bloody useless, the bloody lot of them.”

“Yes,” ‘chuckles’ the woman in front of me.

I bite my tongue, wait my turn and cough up.

Later, when we’re strolling around outside, having viewed all the stuff in the glass cases, I make up an eloquent response to that shop guy. This is what I’d wanted to say – and what I’ll probably tell people later that I did actually say. Something like:

“Bleedin’ politicians? Yes, they’re a vital component of the kind of democracy that millions have fought, bled and died for. The kind of democracy that millions of oppressed, starving, tortured and imprisoned alive today will never know…” Etc, etc.

British House of Commons across the Thames

Image by Visualist Images via Flickr

And then all this makes me think about the trite second-hand opinions and attitudes that the lazy-minded continue to trot out.

How easy to hear a pop-phrase and adopt the bigotry behind it without really thinking! It’s almost what we’re encouraged to do, isn’t it? Consume pre-baked ‘fast opinions’ before tossing the wrapper into the newspaper recycling.

More and more schools these days are encouraging kids to engage in ‘critical thinking’, (and NO mr and mrs Bigot – schools are NOT full of useless, over-recreated whining teachers), so how about we grown-ups give it a go too? Here’s how to do it:

  1. Look at the evidence
  2. Think about the evidence
  3. Look at the conclusions and opinions that have been formed by others
  4. Decide whether or not we agree
  5. Form an opinion based on the evidence

It seems to me that too many people jump from step 1 to step 3 and stop there, thereby denying many of their brain cells the chance of some exercise.

So think, Mr shop man, think.

Politicians? No. They’re NOT all the same. They’re NOT all bad, and they SHOULDN’T all be lumped in together. Sometimes, when I watch Question Time on the Beeb, I go away thinking that one or two MPs aint half bad at all. In fact, some of them are actually trying to make a positive difference to people’s lives.

So let’s cut them some slack. And celebrate the fact that in our society we can actually express opinions without being shot or slung into prison.

Doug

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Opened like a summer rose – My dad’s quest for values he could stand by

“It’s nearly two years,” my mother sighs from 12,000 miles away. The ongoing pain of my old man’s death makes that hard to believe. But she’s still standing, as they say, and doing well. Sometimes, I think, better than me.

I should be further down the track by now. But I still yearn for Dad to be alive, at his computer, all those miles away. Writing his stories, sorting his CDs, playing his online scrabble.

I couldn’t write that poem now, the one I wrote a few days after his death, when I was lost in a kind of numb limbo. But I can read it now, and I can picture. And I can reflect.

Look – that red-faced bloke in the cloth clap – that’s Dad’s messed-up drunken father – veteran of the 14-18 war, staggering across the threshold to terrorise a cowering family. And there – that’s my shy, intelligent, artistic 12 year-old dad, sheltering in a bedroom with his books and his stamp collection.

Now see him again, 15 years old, just chucked out of grammar school, hanging out the back of the Faversham/Herne Bay train with his two pals, talking only of the war and going to sea.

And now again, swaying in the hammock of a dirty British coaster, snoring, a calculus textbook open on his chest.

And then, what about that meeting in The Bull’s Head, Chiselhurst? Him, almost dragged in by his dad to meet this young Irish bird behind the bar. Hear this conversation snippet above the hubbub of early evening drinkers:

“Fancy coming to the pictures with me?”

“Come back tomorrow when you’re sober, and ask me again.”

He did, and love grew out of the tangled mess of two hopeless starts.

Me, my brother, my sisters – we marvelled in the past and we marvel now at what my Dad eventually became. His ideas, his artistry, his heart – all nurtured by that love.

And now I see messages in his story. Not just about what you can achieve with so little – there’s enough written on that theme. More about trying to understand why people are as they are, and how important it is that we don’t make damning, superficial judgements.

As the songwriter Phil Ochs put it:

‘Show me hobo, show me the train.
Show me the drunkard as he sleeps out in the rain,
And I’ll show you a young man with so many reasons why,
There but for fortune go you – or I.”

My grandad, like so many, was stuffed up by the Great War, and the shockwaves reverberated down the generations. And yet my dad – with no degrees and little training – wasn’t content to stop at labourer or sailor, or lift-installer or draughtsman or electrical engineer.

Neither was he content to stop with the views and outlook of his parents. His quest for values he could stand by was utterly relentless, as was his scorn of cant and hypocrisy.

That spiritual purity is the absolute essence of the man. And I guess it’s a big part of why I’m still finding so hard to accept his death.

Picture the child

Picture the child
Scrabbling and haggling
for the souvenired metal
Of a Messerchmitt 109.
Adventure-hungry kid
and front-row spectator
of fighter pilots battling for Britain
across the skies of Kent.
Shy child in a coastal town,
caressing his collections
of stamps and matchbox tops.
And dreaming of himself at sea.

Picture the noisy London pub,
and the child-like lass from County Meath,
befuddled and busy behind the bar,
regaled by tales of the son with the very big hands.
Taking to this tall sailor home from sea.
Big hands to match a big heart.

Picture the child
Newly arrived into a strange land.
Spirit stirred and soothed
by the mouth organ’s lilt and beat,
lifted happy and safe
by the man’s big gentle hands.

Picture the child,
scrambling and hassling
for prime position
in an old man’s lap.
A grandad-hungry kid
Enchanted by the front-row fun
of silly words and games
and someone whom it seems is able
to painlessly remove
and then replace a thumb.

See him now, the man.

Opened and beautiful as a summer rose.

Doug Jenner

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After 25 years, I’m still deeply in love (And I’m quite fond of the wife, too).

“OK people,” intoned the trainer, “we are about to show you that computers are the future…”

“God help us, it’s going to be a long afternoon,” I whispered to my fellow cynic, seated beside me in row z. We exchanged weary glances and I continued doodling.

But then, there she was beside us, this trainer, beaming from on high: “And what subject have you two chosen?” Like a naughty schoolboy I covered up my doodle and stammered.

“Ladies’ underwear,” offered my neighbour.

The trainer scuttled back to the front, and I looked quizzically at Patrick, who just shrugged. “I guess we should start paying attention – see what we’re supposed to be doing.”

Along with the rest of the school’s staff, we were attending a compulsory in-service course at our local computer centre, and making it quite obvious that we didn’t want to be there.

If we’d been paying attention, we would have known that the whole group had been asked to work in pairs, making up a crossword puzzle on a topic from our own teaching subject, and then getting it to appear in green on the black computer screen in front of us. Oops – wakey wakey.

i luv mac detail in red

We decided we’d stick to our nominated subject matter anyhow, and spent the next hour or so attempting to squeeze ‘corselette, camiknickers, garters’ etc into an ‘across’ and ‘down’ grid. By the end of the session our shared cynicism about computers was ever more entrenched.

As we made our way out of the venue I announced to no-one in particular: “I hate computers.” I was immediately accosted by one of the centre’s employees. “You hate computers?’ she asked. I shrugged. “Come and look at this.”

I followed reluctantly as she led us to a desk, on which was quite a small beige box with a tiny screen in it.

What happened next made me think I’d been zapped straight into an episode of ‘Bewitched.’ This girl whizzed an arrow around the small screen; grabbing tools, drawing things, cutting them up, cutting them out, duplicating them, pasting them, shading them in… I was astonished. What sort of a toy this was! A doodler’s paradise!

I remember drifting out of the venue in a daze. I was captivated, totally, and in love – with a machine. I wanted a Macintosh. I needed a Macintosh. I HAD to have a Macintosh, immediately. Yes. Yes, yes yes – computers were the future, of course they were.

That was 1985. A few months after my epiphany, I took a brand new Mac Plus up the mountain to show my dad. (He’d been on at me for ages: “When are you going to get a computer? They’re the future. You can pick up a Commodore or an Amstrad quite cheaply.”)

And now, well, amazingly, I had one – an Apple. Dad took a break from his MD-Dossing and came out of his office to check out my weird-looking object.

“A white screen, um? Huh – tiny. And what’s this thing,” he growled. “Eh? What? Mouse? Hah. Never heard of it. Stupid idea. This thing’s just a toy. Bloody expensive one at that.” I couldn’t argue. It was a toy right enough, and I soon found many new applications for its magic. And yes, some of these were actually to do with work.

So there was me, espoused luddite, on the computer bandwagon, well and truly. A couple of years later I upgraded to a 30 meg MacSE – a machine which I still keep in a cupboard, and which my tech-savvy, 21st century kids actually love using!

I’ve owned a welter of Apple products since then: iMacs, Newtons, iPads. Like many an Apple devotee, I’ve ridden the company’s sine curve – to the depths of the mid-90s and all the way up again. (It won’t surprise you to know that I was one of those sad gits queuing up for hours for one of the first ever iPhones).

Last Saturday my kids and I went in to fight the crowds in the Brent Cross Apple Store. And, you know, in amongst that tumult, playing with the products and watching all those blue-shirted young ‘geniuses’ hurtling about, I got a burst of the magic – all over again.

Doug

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Sick White Boomers: thoughts on an Australian Christmas

We’re having Christmas in Sydney this year, hoping for an extra hot one. And that goes for the dinner too, with turkey, roast veggies and all the trimmings, because, well – that’s the way most folks still do it here, believe it or not.

mmmmm....
Image by bess grant via Flickr

Except for the holidaying Brits of course. While the Aussies are stuffing themselves with British Christmas fare, the UK visitors will be scoffing prawns and going as red as lobsters down on Bondi Beach. On Boxing Day they’ll be searching for hangover cures and after-sun lotion. Ouch! And further pain for them, we hope, with the onset of the Boxing Day Ashes test match.

Many Australians over the years have bemoaned the whole ‘looking towards Europe’ thing, and have yearned for a truly Australian Christmas culture. So we have Aussie bush carols and songs, including the famous Rolf Harris hit ‘Six White Boomers’(male kangaroos):

Six white boomers, snow-white boomers
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun,
Six white boomers, snow-white boomers
On his Australian run.

But look at those lyrics a little more closely: ‘snow-white boomers’. So we’re still thinking snow. And then we have something here called Yulefest.
This is a mid-winter celebration (That’s July here) involving christmas crackers, christmas cake, roast dinners and gifts. Why? So that people can experience a cold Christmas. So that’s more yearning for Europe.

This is a manifestation of a phenomenon well-known as the Australian ‘cultural cringe’. We saw it only too vividly in recent weeks with the visit of US TV chat star Oprah Winfrey. This story took up 70% of TV news airtime and involved millions of Australians celebrating the fact that Oprah thinks we are all OK down under.

It’s such a shame – all of this. Australia is a spectacular country with some rich traditions and a vibrant arts scene. When will this inferiority complex go away? Will it ever?

Anyhow, can’t stay here chatting any more. Mum says I’ve got to go and pin up some plastic holly and spray fake snow on the windows.

Doug

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A boy and a Jaguar

Let me tell you about the time my Dad bought his first car.

It’s October 1966, and a typically steaming afternoon in the tropical city of Darwin, Australia. This is a town with no TV. Me, my brother and 2 sisters are just in from school and bunched with cool drinks in front of the radio, a rattling, ineffectual electric fan labouring away in the corner.

Radio 8DN’s daily episode of ‘The Air Adventures of Biggles’ has left our heroes in fresh peril, and now we wait to hear whose birthday it is, and which of the station’s dozen children’s records these kids have requested. Most are Disney stories, which we can recite word for word along with the narrator. But tomorrow we’ll still rib any kid we’ve recognised, and ridicule them for their choice.

But what’s this? Feet clattering up the outside steps. (in those pre-cyclone days the town’s houses were built on high stilts, with outside steps to the front door). We turn to see Dad, home early from work, wearing a grin as wide as a six-lane motorway. Mum arrives from the kitchen. “I’ve just bought a car,” he announces to us all.

We’re overjoyed, not particularly appreciative of the fact that he hasn’t got a driving licence. Then he sits down and makes us guess the make of his new purchase. For us, there are only 3 possibles. Holden, Valiant or Ford Falcon. But no, it isn’t any of those. Toyota then? No. Dad still beams.

“Jaguar?” my brother whispers.

“Yes!” yells Dad, laughing.

We’re stunned. We know what Dad thinks of Jaguars; he’s spoken of them with such reverence. We’ve always assumed they were not for ordinary people like us. The closest we’d ever got to the marque was a succession of Swallow sidecars bolted to the side of Dad’s old Ariel motorbike. But now we’re leaping to our feet and jumping on Dad, cheering.

This car my father had bought from his contact in the motor trade was a white 3.4 litre 6 cylinder Jaguar Mark VII, vintage 1954.
Some days later it growled into its new home under our house. We bundled in, bounced on its massive red leather seats, gazed at the luxurious looking walnut dash and played with its many fancy ashtrays.

From a practical point of view, Dad’s choice of car made little sense. We weren’t well off financially, the car only gave 17.5 miles to the gallon, and more significantly, we were living in The Northern Territory- at the time a fairly wild and remote part of Australia. The Stuart Highway was the only sealed road out of Darwin; all the rest were rough dirt tracks.

Besides only having two radio stations, Darwin also had only two seasons: hot and hotter. In the hotter season, daily torrential downpours washed the tar out of cavernous potholes in all of the town’s roads. Some cars were built with this sort of terrain in mind. The Mark VII wasn’t one of them.

But Dad’s Jaguar purchase was a thing of the heart. He purred in harmony with the throaty roar of its engine as we powered along at 90mph. Kids with their feet on red leather and wind-whipped heads sticking out of the sunshine roof, whooping with a roller-coaster thrill as big cat thumped and slammed over the potholes.

We knew what Dad meant. Our Jag wasn’t just a car – it was a beautiful, powerful beast. Even so, I guess he really should have got himself a driving licence.

Six years ago, I bought a Jaguar. It wasn’t 12 years old; it was a brand new 2.7 litre 6 cylinder diesel S-type in Jaguar Racing Green. Old man’s car? Possibly. But I love it. And so does my 12 year-old son. When it first arrived, he’d be happy to just go out and sit in it. As I watched him do that, I went right back to Darwin, the 60s, and our old Mark VII.

The first time I parked my S-Type outside my house, I had my own kids in the back. I’d just finished reversing when a neighbour approached. I lowered the window.
“A Jag in British racing green,” he hummed. “my Dad had one when I was a kid. I’ve always wanted….”
“Yeah,” I grinned, “me too.”

Doug

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Shedding

Dad, you’ll laugh. They want me to write about sheds.

Sheds.

Yeah.

You.

I know. Me. But…I’ve got quite a few tools now, Dad.

Yes Doug I know. And a chainsaw. I only died last year you realise. I saw some of your tools the last time I was in England.

Yeah. Of course. You only died last year.

Why do they want you to write about sheds? Is it for an article?

It’s a thing called a blog Dad.

I know what a blog is. I only-

-died last year. Yes. And you know what an e-book is, too.

Well I damn well should, shouldn’t I? Since I died in the middle of trying to get the wretched thing done.

We did get the one done, didn’t we Dad? The free first story? The Boatswain’s Revenge?

Sorry Doug. Yes we did, and I was grateful for your help. The cover was very good. Even if it was the wrong ship.

We didn’t have much time.

No.

Remember that shed you had at Glenbrook? You walked to it down through the bush.

I had everything in there. Mower, mulcher. All sorts of bits and pieces. Paint, workbench.

All your tools. Neatly outlined on pegboard.

I loved that shed.

Me too. I remember once when you went back on the fags. That’s where you’d go for a secret smoke.

Ha! You and your memory. Huh, yes. After that I gave up again, for good.

Yes. Remember what that nurse said last year, in the hospital?

No?

‘Now Arthur. Have you been a smoker?’

And I said yes. God, that was awful. Hundreds of doctors coming in every day, asking me the same bloody question.

Remember what you said to that nurse that day?

No.

She said ‘Now Arthur, how many did you smoke a day?’

Oh yes, that’s right. And I said-

-And you said ‘One’. And her face brightened. Then you added: ‘I lit it in the morning and put it out at night. It was my pipe’!

Ha ha ha!

That got you laughing out loud, Dad.

You could always make me do that, Doug.

Making myself cry now, though.

I reckon you probably need a shed.

I do, Dad, I do.

Doug

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